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1. [DL-W] Through A Glass, and Darkly...Very Darkly
From: John Pepper <trissana@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
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Message: 1
Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2005 22:08:25 -0800 (PST)
From: John Pepper <trissana@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
Subject: [DL-W] Through A Glass, and Darkly...Very Darkly
Nerika
Morning, Day 17
Dining Hall
/snip from Morgie's post/
"People give up their children all the time."
"But this is a 'child' whose very spirit is joined to yours. What you
feel, she feels. What you think, she thinks. And what she feels, you
also
feel. Open yourself up to Lyraene for a moment. Let her feelings wash
over
you."
Latnem fell silent and watched as Nerika grudgingly did as he
instructed, her eyes growing vacant as she tapped into the link she
shared with
Lyraene. He waited until her eyes had cleared before he spoke.
/end snip/
Nerika sighed and let her mind open up to Lyraene's ever-hovering
presence. No sooner had she done so than the dragon's consciousness
flooded in like a great wave, sweeping Nerika along with it. <My
rider, I am here!> Lyraene cried happily, feeling the barriers go down
that had kept her from feeling fully bonded from her rider all of her
life.
Lyraene wanted so badly to share her hopes and her dreams for herself
and her rider...she just knew that Nerika would understand if she could
only be shown what awaited her. The next thing Nerika knew, she was
airborne, riding on her dragon, the cold wind at that high altitude
exhilarating on her skin. When she looked down, Whiteriver was only a
small landmark below them, small enough that she could block her own
view of it simply by stretching out a hand. Then she became aware that
they were not alone, they were at the head of an immense wedge
formation of dragons and riders - more, she was sure, than all of
Whiteriver's dragons together could have equal led. And they were all
looking to her and Lyraene to lead them.
Off in the distance, small shadow-shapes swarmed and fluttered through
the air. Wraiths! At Nerika's urging, Lyraene turned in their
direction, and almost as a single unit the dragons coming up behind
followed her into the maneuver. The dragon formation crashed headlong
into the wraiths, flaming furiously. The wraiths tried to close up
swarm the leading dragons by simple numbers, but the well-disciplined
and organized wing of dragons was ready. Blast after blast of flame
erupted, and one by one the wraiths were consumed or else fluttered
earthward like burning leaves.
Now, below them, Nerika saw a village rather than the warren that had
been there only moments before. Had their battle taken them that far
already? Well, there was no time to think...already she could see
wraiths spiraling downward to attack the defenseless villagers. She
ordered Lyraene to dive, and the other dragons followed without
question.
The battle that ensued was short, but desperate, fought at treetop and
rooftop height - at one point, she and Lyraene had to twist sharply to
avoid a towering spire that the wraith chasing them crashed into. The
wraith caromed off the spire and spun through the air, where an
expertly-placed shot from Lyraene made it go up in flames. Everywhere
the dragons were attacking, and everywhere the wraiths were falling.
Not a single wraith survived to attack the villagers who had been
caught unprepared out on the streets, in the open.
Soon every wraith was dead, and Nerika and Lyraene skimmed low over the
village to make sure that there were no casualties that needed to be
attended to. And to their surprise, the crowds cheered and waved up at
them. Nerika basked in the glow of their glad cries and applause.
Only...what were they cheering for? Something was missing...the
stage...her violin in hand, her sheet music...why were they cheering,
she hadn't performed for them...
And then the scene changed. She was standing in the warren, and
Merissa was proudly announcing the creation of a new combat wing,
Whiteriver's third...and standing up in front of the assembled riders
was its new wingleader Nerika, with her great cinnamon-colored dragon
behind her. There was J'red standing just below her, clapping and
congratulating her...and there was Queenrider Faylen, and Nerika's
patrol partner Mara...they had all come to see her and congratulate her
on this special day. She was so proud...
And yet, a thought intruded itself. What was she proud of? She hadn't
performed, hadn't sung, or played an instrument, told a story or sung a
ballad. What she'd done was...dragonrider stuff.
<But it is a *good* thing we were doing, fighting wraiths, saving
people,* Lyraene told her imperatively. And then Nerika saw herself in
the med center, standing by a bed and holding the hand of a child who'd
been injured in the wraith attack on the village. The child had a
minor burn on one arm, but without the timely intervention of the
dragons, he would almost certainly have been dead, along with both of
his parents who now stood at the foot of the bed.
"Thank you," said the child, beaming up at her. Nerika blinked in
confusion. "What is he thanking me for?" she wondered. "I didn't sing
to him, didn't share the wonders of her music with him.."
<You saved him,> Lyraene reminded her. <There will be others to play
music for him, all through his life...>
And then she realized what was happening. It wasn't real...not just
the events, she knew already that those were just illusions of what
might be, that her dragon was crafting in her mind. But what was false
were the emotions, what she herself was feeling. The pride in her
accomplishments at being a dragonrider...she could never feel that in
real life, it wasn't who she was! What she was feeling were Lyraene's
emotions, not her own!
<But it is what you can be!> Lyraene protested.
With a wrench, she reasserted her will and the emotions she'd been
feeling just seconds ago vanished along with the scenes that had been
created in her mind to bring them about. *You...tricked me!!!* she
mindshouted at Lyraene.
<No, I...only showed you how you *could* feel, if you did all those
things!> the dragon pleaded. <If WE did them...everything you just saw
could happen, if we make them happen together!>
And it was an attractive dream...except that there was no room for
*her* in it! No room for Nerika the Bard, only Nerika the
Dragonrider...a person who didn't exist, who would never exist! The
barriers of her mind slammed down again, and with a despairing wail
Lyraene was once again outside and Nerika's mind was again her own.
She gasped for breath as her vision cleared, and she saw that she was
back in the dining hall, sitting across the table from Latnem.
/snip/
"Tell me," he asked quietly, "What is she feeling?"
/end snip/
In answer, Nerika snatched up a table knife, palmed it around so that
it's point was aimed at her breast, and thrust it at her heart with all
her strength. Its point was stopped only an inch from her skin by
Latnem grabbing her wrist and holding it firmly.
"What is it??" he asked urgently. "Tell me!"
With a shudder, she let the knife drop. She swallowed hard and opened
her eyes, forcing herself to make eye contact with Latnem. "SHE was
feeling fine...and tried to deceive me by causing me to experience her
own feelings. But what can make her happy would never make me happy.
And what would make me happy...might never be."
"And it is bad enough that you would kill yourself over it?" he asked,
alarmed.
"I did as you asked, I opened myself to her," Nerika replied. "And I
saw the future that she...and Merissa...and J'red...and even my
father...want me to live out. And I would rather die *now* than live
out that kind of life."
Latnem gave her a guarded look, waiting for her to speak further, to
gauge her mood and decide whether she was a danger to herself. "No,
Latnem, I'm not going to kill myself," she said in a voice that was as
devoid of hope as it was of feeling. "And thank you for explaining
just what a mindhealer can and can't do. I understand that you can't
give me something that I didn't have in the first place. Such as the
ability to become the bard I have dreamed of being."
She turned and walked a few paces, then stopped and turned again. "But
I think I may still have need of your services, for the things that a
mindhealer *can* do. Later on..." And she made her way out the door.
NRPG: No tags, since we're a day or so behind the main action. But I
have a hunch that she *will* be needing Latnem's help before too much
longer! :)
Submitted by:
John
Nerika & Lyraene
Whiteriver Warren
Summary:Morning, Day 17: Nerika, on Latnem's advice, opens her mind to
Lyraene. Lyraene excitedly shows Nerika the type of life the two of
them can have together. But instead of being delighted, Nerika is
horrified by what she sees and momentarily becomes so desperate she
wants to kill herself. She blocks Lyraene out and reasserts control,
but tells Latnem that she suspects she will have need of his help
again.
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