Planet Sick-Boy: http://www.sick-boy.com
"We Put the SIN in Cinema"
© Copyright 2004 Planet Sick-Boy. All Rights Reserved.
A lot can happen in four years. For starters, somebody like Vin Diesel
can
go from A Decent Performer in Ensemble Films (Boiler Room, Saving Private
Ryan, The Fast and the Furious) to becoming The Biggest, Dumbest Action
Star
This Side of That Guy Who Used to be a Wrestler. Also, four years can
take
a character like Diesel's Richard B. Riddick - the bald convicted
killer/anti-hero of David Twohy's Pitch Black - and turn him into Rob
Zombie. That's who Riddick looks like, after spending the last
half-decade
on the lam from unscrupulous bounty hunters.
Once Riddick is found, however, he's dropped into some crazy scenario
about
a power-mad race (the Necromongers) that wants to hang out in their
version
of paradise (the Underverse). I don't know about you, but when I hear
names
like that, I start tuning out and thinking about different kinds of pie.
Maybe that's why I had no idea who the people Riddick found himself
surrounded by were, where they were going, or why they were going there.
Truth is, I don't think anyone will care too much about any of those
superfluous things, either. Who would, when you can have a seizure over
the
film's hyper-editing and HR Giger-inspired art direction.
Chronicles is - for a picture that already has a videogame spin-off, an
animated prequel, and two more films in the hopper - way better than it
should be. When it comes to taking a crap story and turning it into
something watchable, this Twohy feller sure knows what he's doing.
Granted,
Chronicles has about as much to do with Pitch Black as Saddam does with Al
Qaeda, but that's beside the point, right? Chronicles reminded me much
more
of Stargate, with its North African-type look (maybe the terrorists have
already won) to both the characters and the sets. It also reminded me of
Minority Re****t, but only in that one scene where Twohy rips off that
film's
Precog characters. Also of note: There aren't any werewolves, per se,
though there are creatures that look an awful lot like werewolves. That
makes five movies in a row with lupine creatures for me (The Day After
Tomorrow, Harry Potter 3, Van Helsing, and Andrea Martin in New York
Minute).
Speaking of Tomorrow, Chronicles has a couple of scenes where characters
are
forced to outrun the weather. Instead of a crippling cold, they're being
chased by a sunbeam that raises temperatures to 700 degrees. I mention
this
only because characters protect themselves from this ungodly heat by
hiding
behind rocks, and that makes me laugh.
So does the fact that Judi Dench is in a Vin Diesel movie. But if you
think
about it, Dame Judi is no stranger to Dumb Action, since she's also
appeared
in the last few awful offerings of James Bond. Colm Feore (Paycheck) does
more of his bad guy schtick; Thandie Newton (The Truth About Charlie)
tries
but can't hold a candle to Laura Linney in terms of Lady Macbething up the
joint; and Karl Urban makes you say, "Hey, where do I know that guy from?"
(he was Eomer in The Lord of the Rings). Meanwhile, Alexa Davalos (Angel)
made my tongue hang out, and if that's all you ask of your action movies,
you'll be as happy as an unemployed boob waiting in line to look at a box
full of some smelly old ex-actor.
1:57 - PG-13 for intense sequences of violent action and some language
==========
X-RAMR-ID: 37991
X-Language: en
X-RT-ReviewID: 1288059
X-RT-TitleID: 1130966
X-RT-SourceID: 595
X-RT-AuthorID: 1146
X-RT-RatingText: 5/10
|
