"Alien vs. Predator" – No One Wins
by Homer Yen
(c) 2004
I suppose that some of us will venture out to see
"Alien vs. Predator." At least the studio heads
know when to time the release of a film like
this. With its target audience being young adult
males who have historically fueled tickets for
this genre of film, many may be longing for a
sci-fi, disposable monster flick. Indeed, this
film seems packaged with the care and speed of a
burger being served at fast food burger joint.
But at least you kind of know what you're
getting. So if you knowingly stop at a fast food
restaurant, you can't realistically walk away
complaining that you didn't receive stellar
service and a memorable meal.
What factors, do you suppose, brought this to the
big screen? Well, it probably wasn't expensive
to make. There are no top-tier stars to balloon
a budget. In fact, you probably won't recognize
anyone. This is one of those ensemble casts
where newcomers are just grateful to be cast in a
Hollywood film. Yet, if there are bigger and
better projects in their future, you couldn't
tell from their screen time here.
Meanwhile, there is probably some kind of
built-in fan base that will watch anything that
has some extraterrestrial monster in the film.
If that's you, then here's your film. You do get
to see a lot of combat sequences in which the
mucilage oozing and acid spurting lizard-like
Aliens try to assert their dominance in their
battle against the very ugly warrior race
Predators. How these two wind up battling each
other, however, is a muddled mess that the
characters try to explain with a note of
seriousness. But some things are better left
unsaid. It only makes you want to point out
additional flaws such as the fact that everyone
is in Antarctica but there's no steam coming out
of their mouths when they speak. Films like this
never rely on logic. So, there's no use trying
to add any.
What a film like this should do is to bring about
a sense of fun as these hapless victims run for
their lives. The atmosphere, with its foreboding
weather and dark corridors, seem to prep us for
plenty of scary moments. But the payoff moments
are muted by the fact that there isn't really
anyone to cheer for. Should we cheer for any of
the humans? Well, none of them are really
fleshed out, so none of them are really
significant. If one died versus the other,
neither the other characters or the audience
feels really any worse off. Should we cheer on
the Aliens? They do nothing but squeal and
oddly, they aren't even as nifty or resourceful
as the Predators. Should we cheer on the
Predators? Well, the trouble is that they all
look alike. And thus, you have a film with a
convoluted premise and apathy for the cast of
characters. "Alien vs. Predator" basically
becomes a long sequence of fleeing, hiding,
shooting, shouting and devouring.
Again, if you've seen any of the other films that
featured these monsters, you pretty much know
what to expect. It may temporarily relieve your
hunger pains if you're starving for an alien
flick. But let's face it. We can all do better.
Grade: C-
S: 0 out of 3
L: 1 out of 3
V: 2 out of 3
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X-RAMR-ID: 38540
X-Language: en
X-RT-ReviewID: 1314643
X-RT-TitleID: 1134655
X-RT-AuthorID: 1370
X-RT-RatingText: C-
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