"Joe McC" <joe@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:spqdnb-rYdvDqXvanZ2dnUVZ8u6dnZ2d@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> "Anim8rFSK" <ANIM8Rfsk@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
> news:ANIM8Rfsk-DE0D3D.14181822032008@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> Earth VS the Giant Space Rice Krispies!
>>
>> Disclaimer: They didn't actually call it NASA. It was the ASA or
>> something. But we know who they meant!!
>>
>> EARTHSTORM is an Armageddon 'homage' starring one of the lesser
>> Baldwins. Not Billy I don't think. That doesn't narrow it down one darn
>> bit, does it?
>>
>> Giant uncharted asteroid hits the far side of the moon. Apparently just
>> hours later debris starts whacking into us (you'd think it would be
>> headed AWAY from us. I'd also think it would take a while to get here.
>> I'd also think that if it did get here like a Domino's Pizza, in 30
>> minutes or less, the story would end right there. But go figure). NASA
>> covers up the fact that meteors are hitting us and wiping out cities
and
>> that there's a crack in the moon and a huge halo of Giant Space Rice
>> Krispie debris you can see from Earth but many people figure it out by
>> hearing rumors.
>>
>> Demolition guy Baldwin as Bruce Willis is blowing up a building. As
>> they're about to push the button, everybody wearing heavy clothes and
>> helmets and flack jackets except the extremely hot female assistant
>> who's in shorts, suddenly the 9th floor blows up. This causes the
entire
>> system of explosives to become 'unbalanced' and wackiness ensues. Since
>> they can't stop the countdown, Bruce Baldwin runs up to the 9th floor
>> (with a pack of DYNAMITE!), finds pillar 8A which is what blew up (and
>> is totally unscathed), sticks a new pack of explosives on it
(completely
>> fixing the problem, except the problem is in no way fixed), finds the
>> homeless guy who set off the explosives (and who is also completely
>> unscathed) and races out of the building with seconds to spare. They
>> head off to their next job in Baltimore, which is almost immediately
hit
>> by Giant Space Rice Krispie meteorite debris.
>>
>> Meanwhile some red headed scientist ****trayed by a woman who's acting
>> training came from doing makeovers in the local mall, and who is
>> expending all of her 'talent' trying to hide her accent, realizes her
>> father predicted this exactly, but was driven out of the business and
to
>> his death by evil government scientist Dirk Benedict. NASA calls her in
>> because nobody will listen to her.
>>
>> I'm not really sure what happened to the moon. At various points in the
>> story it's ****fted it's orbit, the crap is coming from the asteroid,
the
>> crap is coming from the moon, there's a rift a 100 times the size of
the
>> grand canyon in the moon and the crap is spewing out of THAT, and
>> anything that leaves the far size of the moon for whatever reason
whacks
>> us about a half an hour later.
>>
>> Part of this is explained when cute shorts demo girl finds a hunk of
the
>> moon (after dodging into a canvas tent to avoid a major Giant Space
Rice
>> Krispie meteorite impact about 50 feet away) just laying there in
>> Baltimore, a big hunk clearly made out of foam that nobody handles like
>> it weighs more than an empty coffee cup, and it turns out we were wrong
>> about what the moon was made of all along -- it's hitting us so hard
>> because it's composed of uranium. In the form of Giant Space Rice
>> Krispies.
>>
>> NASA decides the only way to stop the moon from bombarding us (at this
>> point Mexico City is suddenly destroyed, but nobody mentions it again)
>> is to fly up to the moon and set off nukes and seal the fissure. Of
>> course, Baldwin must go with them, for only he can push the button.
>>
>> Red decides that since the moon is all magnetic and everything, we
>> should use a special magnetic bomb that no one has ever built instead.
>> Of course, Baldwin must go with them, for only he can push the button.
>> Of a bomb he's never heard of the theory behind or seen, as it doesn't
>> exist.
>>
>> Starbuck vetoes the plan. Through the entire movie he walks in whenever
>> they're planning something; nobody at NASA *ever* closes a door.
>>
>> They take off in a space shuttle, which despite the nukes being the
size
>> of a couple of suitcases, only holds 3 people; cute female pilot,
random
>> astronaut, Bruce Baldwin. Random astronaut is immediately knocked out
>> for the duration of the flight. Shuttle has gravity, and a continuous
>> floor between the flight deck and the cargo bay, almost as though it
was
>> a left over set from a high school stage play.
>>
>> Shuttle lifts off, jettisons its SRBs and liquid fuel tanks together,
>> and, with main engines still roaring, flies to the moon, dodging and
>> weaving incoming Giant Space Rice Krispie rocks, accelerating the whole
>> way. Granted, they have auxiliary strap on nuclear engines that no one
>> had ever built or tried before as well.
>>
>> They get to the moon, fly down to the surface (while this shuttle has
>> internal gravity, external gravity doesn't affect it at all) and sort
of
>> hover.
>>
>> Cute shorts demo chick shows up at NASA with the very light rock.
>> Analysis indicates it's uranium, which means Starbuck was wrong, and
>> they should have sent the magnetic bomb instead of the nukes. The Earth
>> is doomed.
>>
>> NASA brainstorms and figures out how to take unused parts from the
>> shuttle's communication systems to turn the nukes into a magbomb. Bruce
>> Baldwin does this while cute pilot hovers.
>>
>> Starbuck realizes red haired scientist did all the math wrong, and they
>> need 100 times more bomb. The Earth is doomed.
>>
>> Starbuck saves the day by realizing they happen to have auxiliary nuke
>> engines strapped to the outside of the shuttle, that Bruce Baldwin can
>> get to, somehow.
>>
>> Baldwin realizes the new charge needs to be set off in a new location.
>> The new location? THE CENTER OF THE MOON! Yes, they need to fly the
>> shuttle to . . . THE CORE!!!!!
>>
>> Luckily, the fissure goes all the way to the center of the moon. They
>> fly down, dump the bomb, eject their engines, and, main engines still
>> blasting away, race for the surface as the mag bomb goes off, the
>> fissure sucks itself shut, the moon "heals itself" and returns to it's
>> proper orbit, and all the incoming Giant Space Rice Krispie stuff that
>> was about to destroy the Earth is just . . forgotten about. Cute pilot,
>> engines STILL GOING FULL THROTTLE, despite the fact that she left the
>> fuel tank back on Earth and the strap on engines in the moon, races
back
>> as unhurt extra astronaut comes to. BTW, all this apparently happened
in
>> about half an hour, as cute shorts girl hasn't even gone to the ladies'
>> room to wipe the soot off her pert little nose yet.
>>
>> Back on Earth, everybody loves everybody, Starbuck is forgiven, Red's
>> dad is vindicated, Red goes back to work for NASA, Red and Bruce
Baldwin
>> pair off, Red's assistant who didn't have enough of a part to matter
and
>> was in love with her scores with cute shorts girl, mostly 'cause there
>> wasn't anybody else with enough lines to pair her with except Starbuck
>> who stoically rode back to Wa****ngton, and the weather is all fine, and
>> nobody cares that Mexico City is gone.
>>
>> The End.
>
>
> DAMN yer EYES, Man!! A header bereft of "spoiler" tag has now ruined
> this gem for me..........and possibly 9 other viewers....
>
> Joe
>
I stopped reading about 1/3 of the way through. I guess I'll stick it on
my
DVR (I'm watching John Adams at 9) but not sure if I'll ever actually
watch
it. I'll probably delete it after a week or two if I don't watch it
before
then. If one of the other 9 viewers watch it, please re****t back here if
it's worth watching even if just to laugh at it.
If it is worth watching, wouldn't it be better to rent the DVD so the
picture and sound quality would at least be better than what the Sci Fi
channel can current offer? Although looking at the ratings on
Netflix...they seem to be desperately warning potential viewers to not
watch
it...
http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Earthstorm/70072626?trkid=222336&lnkctr=srchrd-sr&strkid=424876371_0_0
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