Anim8rFUK wrote:
> On Fri, 09 May 2008 22:53:29 -0700, Anim8rFSK wrote:
>
>> Saturday on Sci-Fi
>>
>> With Ian Ziering as Cortez!
>>
>> Conquistadors vs Dinosaurs!
>>
>> Unlike the usual Asylum crap generally served up on SciFi Saturday,
>> this is actually written and directed by people with lots of
>> credits. While those credits are wildly variable, they include the
>> very worst of Star Trek TNG, and Doomsday Rock, the worst 'asteroid
>> is about to hit Earth' movie ever made. I don't think they'll let
>> us down this time!
>>
>> Also starring:
>>
>> Marc Antonio, Dichen Lachman, Shawn Lathrop, James Locke, Jack McGee,
>> Kalani Queypo, Marco Sanchez, William Snow and Milan Tres**** as
>> Juarez
>
> Thanks for posting that! I'm sure it'll be great. But the real
> nugget here is, you took the time to take that jab at ST:TNG. We all
> know how NOTHING -- and I do mean NOTHING -- can compare to the SHAT.
For the cheese factor, no.
Applicable excerpts from The New Red Green Show ("Handyman Corner"
clip, featuring only Red), a Canadian show taking a potshot at another
Canadian:
****************************************
I was going over our lodge expenses for last year and
apparently we spent 84% of our hospitality budget on beer,
and the rest on pizza. I'm telling the guys we've got to
find a way to cut down on the cost of pizza. .... And now
on Handyman Corner, I'm gonna show you how to do exactly
that, using something you already got lying around your
house, and I don't mean your grandfather. I'm talking about
one of these old record players, [blows off a ton of dust,
coughs] one of these older models with the long spindle for
stacking records on. Next, you need an album to cook the
pizza on, preferrably something that's used to *lots of
cheese*. That's why I went with William Shatner.
[Shows closeup of album cover. The LP (vinyl record) was
entitled "William Shatner - ****d Amongst Unicorns" and had
a picture of a ****d (head & shoulders) TOS-era Shatner on
the front, with his head in the center of an alternating
grey & black striped bullseye.]
OK, once we get that on there, all you do is take the mound
of pizza dough and stick that right down over the spindle,
and you're set to go. Now the beauty of these old machines
is that you get the 78 speed on there, and that way we can
get Captain Kirk to go warp speed. [Starts player and
puts on cover.] May the centrifugal force be with you.
[Pizza dough now sort of evenly covers the LP.] ....
****************************************
Well, that's the extent of the Shatner/SF references.
Here's the rest, and I hope I don't have to say 'Don't try
this at home, folks.'
****************************************
OK, next we use the same basic principle to add out tomato
sauce and our pepperoni. I've actually preloaded the tomato
sauce into this squeezable ketchup bottle here. [squirts
the sauce on the pizza dough as it turns] OK, now for our
pepperoni, we just take one of these pepperoni sticks [cigar
sized] and drop it down an old cigar tube [attached to the
spindle]. Now, all we have to do is slice it. That's why
I've got a cigar cutter mounted on the bottom end. [slices
chunks which drop on the pizza as it spins] OK, now her
comes the best part, you take this aerosol cheese here, and
I've got it hooked up to this feeder tube. [Squirts it.]
See how it works. Now I just attach that to the underside
of my tonearm where my record needle used to be, and then I
just set her down to 45 RPM, and let the cheese play the
pizza. If you like double cheese, set her on 33-1/3rd.
[White aerosol cheese covers pizza looking like a layer a
quarter inch layer of shave cream.] OK, it's almost done
here. Now to turn this baby into an oven, just duct tape
some old toaster elements to the underside of the dust
cover. But if you're one of those people who likes your
crust extra crispy, maybe you want to go with a CD burner.
[Puts on cover. Time elapses. Ding! Takes the burning hot
dust cover off. Hot, normal-looking pizza is sitting on the
LP.] There's a surefired hit, huh? Once we slice it, we'll
have a hit single. Remember, if women don't find you
handsome, they should at least find you [grunts as he
struggles to pry the LP away from the pizza] handy. We
haven't just made a great pizza, we've set a record!
****************************************
--
Mac Breck (KoshN)
-------------------------------
"The Dresden Files" (2007)
Harry Dresden: [re. Bianca] What is it about bad girls? They lie,
cheat, won't suck your blood even when you beg them to, and for some
reason, no matter how badly they treat us, we still can't walk away.
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