On Sat, 10 May 2008 16:16:19 -0500, Mac Breck wrote:
> Anim8rFUK wrote:
>> On Fri, 09 May 2008 22:53:29 -0700, Anim8rFSK wrote:
>>
>>> Saturday on Sci-Fi
>>>
>>> With Ian Ziering as Cortez!
>>>
>>> Conquistadors vs Dinosaurs!
>>>
>>> Unlike the usual Asylum crap generally served up on SciFi Saturday,
>>> this is actually written and directed by people with lots of
>>> credits. While those credits are wildly variable, they include the
>>> very worst of Star Trek TNG, and Doomsday Rock, the worst 'asteroid
>>> is about to hit Earth' movie ever made. I don't think they'll let
>>> us down this time!
>>>
>>> Also starring:
>>>
>>> Marc Antonio, Dichen Lachman, Shawn Lathrop, James Locke, Jack McGee,
>>> Kalani Queypo, Marco Sanchez, William Snow and Milan Tres**** as
>>> Juarez
>>
>> Thanks for posting that! I'm sure it'll be great. But the real
>> nugget here is, you took the time to take that jab at ST:TNG. We all
>> know how NOTHING -- and I do mean NOTHING -- can compare to the SHAT.
>
> For the cheese factor, no.
>
> Applicable excerpts from The New Red Green Show ("Handyman Corner"
> clip, featuring only Red), a Canadian show taking a potshot at another
> Canadian:
>
> ****************************************
> I was going over our lodge expenses for last year and
> apparently we spent 84% of our hospitality budget on beer,
> and the rest on pizza. I'm telling the guys we've got to
> find a way to cut down on the cost of pizza. .... And now
> on Handyman Corner, I'm gonna show you how to do exactly
> that, using something you already got lying around your
> house, and I don't mean your grandfather. I'm talking about
> one of these old record players, [blows off a ton of dust,
> coughs] one of these older models with the long spindle for
> stacking records on. Next, you need an album to cook the
> pizza on, preferrably something that's used to *lots of
> cheese*. That's why I went with William Shatner.
>
> [Shows closeup of album cover. The LP (vinyl record) was
> entitled "William Shatner - ****d Amongst Unicorns" and had
> a picture of a ****d (head & shoulders) TOS-era Shatner on
> the front, with his head in the center of an alternating
> grey & black striped bullseye.]
>
> OK, once we get that on there, all you do is take the mound
> of pizza dough and stick that right down over the spindle,
> and you're set to go. Now the beauty of these old machines
> is that you get the 78 speed on there, and that way we can
> get Captain Kirk to go warp speed. [Starts player and
> puts on cover.] May the centrifugal force be with you.
> [Pizza dough now sort of evenly covers the LP.] ....
> ****************************************
>
>
> Well, that's the extent of the Shatner/SF references.
>
> Here's the rest, and I hope I don't have to say 'Don't try
> this at home, folks.'
>
>
> ****************************************
> OK, next we use the same basic principle to add out tomato
> sauce and our pepperoni. I've actually preloaded the tomato
> sauce into this squeezable ketchup bottle here. [squirts
> the sauce on the pizza dough as it turns] OK, now for our
> pepperoni, we just take one of these pepperoni sticks [cigar
> sized] and drop it down an old cigar tube [attached to the
> spindle]. Now, all we have to do is slice it. That's why
> I've got a cigar cutter mounted on the bottom end. [slices
> chunks which drop on the pizza as it spins] OK, now her
> comes the best part, you take this aerosol cheese here, and
> I've got it hooked up to this feeder tube. [Squirts it.]
> See how it works. Now I just attach that to the underside
> of my tonearm where my record needle used to be, and then I
> just set her down to 45 RPM, and let the cheese play the
> pizza. If you like double cheese, set her on 33-1/3rd.
> [White aerosol cheese covers pizza looking like a layer a
> quarter inch layer of shave cream.] OK, it's almost done
> here. Now to turn this baby into an oven, just duct tape
> some old toaster elements to the underside of the dust
> cover. But if you're one of those people who likes your
> crust extra crispy, maybe you want to go with a CD burner.
> [Puts on cover. Time elapses. Ding! Takes the burning hot
> dust cover off. Hot, normal-looking pizza is sitting on the
> LP.] There's a surefired hit, huh? Once we slice it, we'll
> have a hit single. Remember, if women don't find you
> handsome, they should at least find you [grunts as he
> struggles to pry the LP away from the pizza] handy. We
> haven't just made a great pizza, we've set a record!
> ****************************************
Why, thank you for posting that. I'm familiar with Red Green. And I
like,
him, too. First and foremost, he's probably a Repubican, which I infer
from his countrified inflections. It gives me the va****s to think that
he's on PBS, at least around here. Normally I'd say, "guilt by
association," which would make him automatically something like a commie,
if not a full-fledged commie, but I've got really strong instincts about
people, and I think this guy might be a kewl guy.
--
Star Trek TOS:
No ****, no shat*.
Stardate: 5/10/2008 3:31:17 PM
_________
*A past tense and a past participle of ****.
|
